these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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