There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
