She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
