Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
