best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
