My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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