Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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