remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
3 2 1 whiskey
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
