I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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