So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
