Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm at about main and main street
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
