I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
