I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
