Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
