I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
