Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
