shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
