Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let's get the cat blown out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
