I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
