My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
