dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
