i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
