i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
