worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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