I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
