I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
