singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
