Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
