I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
