When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
