I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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