my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
