i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
