This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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