ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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