if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's blow job season.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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