but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
