wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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