your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
