I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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