I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
