she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
