I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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