dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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