I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
