hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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