I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walk of Shame today included voting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
