eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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