I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
