Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
