well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
